“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
According to a poll from 2001 – over 40% percent of Americans identify with a dread of appearing before an audience – no matter the size.
According to Eckhart Tolle, and he is not the only one – much of our struggle in life is caused by the ego – what he calls the ‘Little Me”. The underlying emotion which controls the ego, is ergo, fear. Stage fright or performance anxiety is therefore driven by fear, and in fact public speaking is considered to be the King of all fears or phobias.
Stage fright is not only used in the same context as public speaking or public performance. It is acknowledged to even affect a person who is only required to enter a room inhabited by one or more other people, and merely be expected to say ‘hello’. It causes erectile dysfunction in men; which could understandably be a little more traumatic, however, for the purpose of this piece, let’s defer to a more public performance, and the high achiever for arguments sake.
We have to understand that a loss of respect or esteem in the eyes of others is generally what our biggest fear is with regards to public performance. The ego is fragile, it takes things very personally, it identifies strongly with external roles, and therefore does not enjoy loss of respect. In fact the ego does not enjoy any kind of loss, and wants to be in constant control. So a fear of public performance – aka – performance anxiety or stage fright, could be engendered by an avoidance of loss of control.
High achievers are not necessarily egotistical in the sense of being conceited, but we are many of us ego driven as part of the human condition. Ego is part of our primordial identity, and many of the people who suffer from performance anxiety are high achievers. People want them to share what they know, and high achievers have a large investment in their public image. For example, no one wants to listen to a cellist play if they are not good at what they do – although the mothers of budding concert cellists might disagree.
Speaking of children – child performers rarely suffer from stage fright, it is only when they become aware of fierce competition that performance anxiety kicks in. So, they lose their natural performance ability and no matter how talented they are, their gift may become forced. The trick is to tone down the fear of loss, or the concerns of the ego. In other words be less self-concerned, just like the child who performs in the moment and simply doesn’t care what anyone thinks.
There are various ways of connecting naturally with others and being genuinely more comfortably. But how do we do this if the fear of performing in public even outranks our fear of death? This fact was beautifully inspired by the Jerry Seinfeld observation that “at a funeral the average person would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy!”
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change” according to Tolle.
So being aware of the fact that we have this fear should in fact be it’s greatest agent for change. Being aware that the ego, or our thoughts most often prove to be completely, inaccurate and often ludicrous, is a brilliant exercise.
The moment we stop believing our worst fears is the moment we see the truth. Fearful thoughts or perceptions rarely ever represent the truth or reality of anything. So, consciously observing our fearful thoughts allows us to see that they do not represent the truth of who we are, or of our situation. The point is not to chase public approval driven by ego, but to surrender to fear, make it your ally, stay in the present moment, and realize the past and future don’t count. Knowing you are sharing a gift and all you can do is your best is a very powerful truth.
